Medicated

At some point, probably while I was busy not-blogging, I started taking medication for my ADD.  I am a little sheepish about admitting this publicly, because I was trying so hard to manage my symptoms without resorting to pharmaceutical intervention.  I saw the stimulant meds route as a failure of my willpower, or some other such nonsense.

I think I first entertained the notion after the 3rd time my therapist said, "Are you sure you haven't tried any medications for managing your ADD?"  (Um, I'm pretty sure I would know if I had been on meds for this...)

So I tried a prescription.  Very low dose.  And within a month, my therapist fired me as a weekly client, because most of the source of my frustrations and depression turned out to have been due to  dealing with the way my brain processed the world.  So that was a win.

But it's not all rainbows and bunnies.  I still struggle with my brain wandering off in random directions (see recent blog post, for example).  I am still incredibly slow at doing things.

I have major needs in terms of executive functioning of my brain.  These needs are not addressed by the meds.  As one of my HS students once said of ADD medications, "It helps me to focus, true, but it doesn't help me figure out what is important to focus on."

And so it goes.  Much better in some areas--I can leave a task half-finished because of an interruption and often come back to finish it--but no better in others.  Some days I am sad that I need to take a daily medication in order to "feel normal".  But then I spend some time in the presence of another adult with un-managed ADD, and I feel so bad for them.  I know what pinball game is going on in their brain; I am grateful that the meds allow my brain to have stepped away from that game.