This tends to be my reaction to a lot of questions regarding my feelings. How is it that I don't know my own feelings? Is this normal--for someone with ADD? --for a horrible introvert? --for one who was socialized to be a pleaser?
|"Will you marry me?" "Hmm..."|
Quick side tale: it took me three weeks to come up with the answer of "yes" when Sweetie proposed. The unfortunate first words that came out of my mouth were (you guessed it), "Can I think about it?" Ouch. It's just that the proposal was such an unexpected event; hadn't even crossed my mind. So, of course, I hadn't plumbed the depths of my feelings to come up with an answer.
In both cases (then and now), I turned to my journal to sort out my feelings. That's normal for an introvert, I have discovered.
I write when I want to figure things out. I write to clear my mind so that a path or a decision becomes clear. I write out all the questions that are chasing each other around my brain. Very often, I don't answer my own questions in my writings--simply writing them down seems to be enough to guarantee that the answer will show itself.
I occasionally give myself a stern talking to in my journal. Lately, however, I've been trying to be kinder and gentler to myself. After all, I am only doing my best.